I don't remember ever feeling this fucking fed up of the world, and that's saying a lot considering just how frigging pessimistic I am by nature.
It's almost like there's simply no way out of all this shit. I cannot stay alone and I cannot stay with someone. I'm stuck in a world full of people incompatible with me either as a friend or as a partner. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with the world itself. Let's just stop at saying I'm quite the impossible person.
I'm here to rave and if you don't want to read on now would be a good time to leave as there's going to be a lot more frustrations being poured out here.
For the judgmental retards who think of me as a failure as this would be my third divorce: Guess what? I don't give a rat's arse about what you think. I'm darn glad I got out of all three. The first one, I'm glad I got out without too many physically broken bones. The second one, I'm glad I got out with nothing more than my faith, my spirit and my heart broken. The third, well, there's no fucking way this is going to work out and since it's bound to be doomed, I'm glad it's sooner rather than later. And those of you hoping for more details of the failures, get a fucking life. Don't you have anything better to do than seek pleasure out of someone else's pain?
For the lowlifes who think that me being a single mother makes me an easy lay: Well, frankly, go shove it up your arse. I might be alone, but that does not necessarily mean I am so sexually frustrated that I'd jump into bed with the first dickhead that comes my way. I'll find my pleasure my own way, in my own time. This also goes for all you well-wishers looking to matchmake already.
For the self-righteous bitches who judge me about my parenting: You try being a single parent who also has dreams of her own, quite disconnected from motherly duties. It's true I work my arse off for my pleasure, but it is also for my sanity. My tolerance level is at its limits now and I'm really damn surprised I haven't yet just killed myself. The main reason I've been able to hold back is, frankly because I haven't given myself the time to do it! I've made sure I'm busy with work or my son all of the fucking time and although it adds to the stress, it sure as hell keeps me occupied. Also, mind telling me just how the fuck I'm supposed to take care of a little toddler without working? It's no cheap feat and especially more so when you cannot expect the father to hold out as much as dime to help.
For the enlightened souls who tell me this is my fate for being ohsoblasphemous: Seriously, shut your traps. The holier-than-thou attitudes you wear might work on some, but let me remind you I know full well the levels of hypocrisy underneath your convenient masks. For me, I live an ethical, and value-based life and it's really more than enough for me. So please, keep your advice to yourselves and just let me fucking be.
For the doubters and suspicious people who continuously think I'm up to no good: For starters, so what if I am? I really do not see anyway that this might concern you. Also, as a principle, I avoid lying. So if you matter enough, I myself will tell you when and if I'm seeing someone. Also, if you really knew me, you'd know very well that I would never ever compromise my values and cross a line I myself laid out for me. I have neither the patience, nor the time, to try convincing you.
That ought to be enough for now.
And for anyone else who's reading: Apologies if I've offended you. But it sure felt damn good to rant and rave.