Monday, January 28, 2013

Don't regret.

Don't harbour that feeling of grief or remorse.
Not for the gazillion mistakes you've made, for it's in the wake of these you've carved your steps forward.
Not for the open doors you ignored and walked past, for they are long closed and there is no going back.
Not for the cruel words you've said, for they have now left your mind leaving it that much cleaner.
Not for the friends who've gone and you've lost touch with, for if they meant so much you'd both have made more of an effort.
Not for the lover who broke your heart, for sooner or later he would have crumbled your dreams.
Not for the sister who took her own life, for the life was hers and not yours to judge.
Not for the empty promises you believed, for every loss has left you wiser.
Not for the family that is broken and in tatters, for what's bonds of blood without bonds of love.
Not for the prayers you refused to say, for God is still there and waiting for repentance.
Don't waste half your life with feelings of guilt, grief and remorse.
Act, apologise, change and reform.
Love, leave, let go and move on.
Choose again and choose differently if you will.
But regret is a waste,
An edge of a cliff, a cul de sac, a dead end.
Step back, turn around, take a different path instead.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Around 9 at night, lying alone on a strip of beach extending out into the sea, absolute silence except for the waves lapping on the beach, a fabulously imperfect silver full moon, nothing but sea and sky for as far as the eye can see.

What more can one ask for :)

At times like this, life doesn't seem so cruel. At times like this, I can feel a sliver of that fleeting emotion you call happiness.

All around me I see shades of black, grey, silver, white. Beauty lies in simplicity and whatever makes you content, not in bright colours and complexity.

Tonight, I love life.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Love is but a delusion.

Love is but a myth,
A delusion sweetened through poem and prose.
Love is but a dream,
An illusion of the mind as you doze.

In the hands of a man of words,
Love can be moulded to seem all you yearn.
Yet once you've succumbed to be love birds,
The emotion is sure to make you burn.

Sweet while it does last,
Seeps venom as it leaves.
Love felt in the near past,
Sure to kill you when it deceives.

Memories from yesteryears.

A drowned memory washed up on the shores of consciousness. It is nothing but a ghost of a past thought. No emotions, no tenderness, no nostalgia around it. Perhaps a wisp of remembrance, a reluctant sigh at what was.
Before the mind could dwell on it, the waves approach to take back what's theirs. The memory is carried back into the depths of the sea of buried thoughts.
Perhaps someday it will be washed up again, and maybe next time repressed emotions will accompany it.

Dark, Gloomy, Negative.

Mind has been spiralling furiously downwards these past few days. Going through tedious daily routines, I feel like I'm seeing the world through horribly dark shades.

I see shadows, but not the people they belong to.
I hear echoes, not the messages people throw at me.
I feel alone, and sad, and hopeless.
I feel like giving up and just letting go.

Life is such a farce.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Missing: A worn out pair of stinky sneakers

Well, this is new and strange. Have you ever heard of shoes getting stolen on a flight? :/

Well, mine did.

I crawled around on all fours to see if it had hid itself in some unlikely corner. The stewardess then bent down and asked me with all good intent: "Ma'am, are you SURE you were wearing shoes?" >.<

Oh well. I've flown another three hours away from where that flight landed, so I suppose the pair is lost for good.

Someone somewhere is walking around in my shoes while my toes are freezing to death here.

Here's hoping the new owner treats my sneakers with love, and that my sneakers give the new owner some horrid blisters :@

And meanwhile, I need to decide if it's acceptable to wear this new footwear to tomorrow's conference...

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Staying sane, Staying happy.

To live.
To refuse to analyze, or to keep expectations.
To give, and to take no more than I can give.
To enjoy what is real, and what is imagined.
To take chances, and to be cautious in taking them.
To do what I feel good doing, and to not be bothered with what others may assume I'm doing.
To share, but to keep the walls steadily up.
To set boundaries, and to not cross those lines.
To love what is, and to not worry about what may go awry.
That is how I stay sane, I stay happy today.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

Fear of Deception

Caution: A troubled heart is about to speak. Do not venture on if you find rants and platitudes bothersome.

Like 2012, I've begun 2013 with the intention of remaining single.

Unlike 2012, I hope to see the year through while still staying single.

Last year, I saw myself step into a relationship by mid-year, only to see it end before the end of the year in the usual manner: deception.

Being a person for whom honesty is the one value held in the highest regard, deception of any form is hard to accept, hard to get over, and hard to deal with. Deception and being lied to leaves me a little more dead every time. And yet, I find myself getting into relationships time and again.

But no. This year, I intend to give myself time to build walls and strengthen my defences. Time enough to ensure the next deception, which will doubtless come, will leave me less scared and less scarred.

I know everyone faces similar lots in life; perhaps I'm just much worse at dealing with mine.

At the moment, I have a soul in conflict:
A naive heart that longs to share, and a weary mind that cautions to steer clear.

Life itself has left me weary. Society has made me pessimistic about people. People have left me cynical about their intentions.

Isn't it funny how the world takes you by the hand, leads you into momentary bliss, just before pushing you off into an abyss of lies? Isn't it amazing how society contributes to your troubles, and then proceeds to judge you by them?

I have decided to side with my mind. I'll fully embrace my philophobia, my fear of attachment, my fear of dependence, my fear of happiness felt through being with another; all of  which stems from my fear of deception.

I turn away not because I'm bitter, but because I'm cautious.
I tread lightly not because I'm timid, but because I'm tired.